2009! how quickly you are upon us. i've been so wrapped up in work and applications and being home and such loveliness that i haven't really gotten to take the moment to look back on 2008 and what was done and glance tentatively forward at the year to come. this year was so long, looking back on it, and, after i read in my journal the reflections and hopes at last year's new year, i feel as if i have actually, legitimately, grown and learned some stuff over the course of it.
undergraduate life is done, though i have not yet left that lifestyle. i finally feel (relatively) confident in my abilities as an academic, enough to try my hand at going on in it (4 of 5 applications sent by this writing! the waiting game begins). being (sorta) outside academia during these past seven months has hopefully given me enough perspective to substantiate these wild dreams of becoming an academic for life. yeesh. i'm overly ambitious? living depending on myself (big words for something not so big) has given me perspective and ownership of my decisions, and i'm thankful to know that i am finally proud of what i have accomplished. and so much more i want to do! i guess i'm starting to see that believing you can is half the effort. oh. my. god. could i be any more cheesy?
so, going forward: i'm nervous about thinking ab out what this year is going to look like, as i don't think i've wanted to do anything as much as what i have set out for myself to do. and how much it may be completely out of the realm of possibility.
well, i guess not all of it.
definitively, in february, shaunt and i leave for new zealand, and my wanderlust, which has been nipping at my toes these past seven months, will finally be appeased. three months of doing god knows what, god knows where (well, i guess we'll know pretty soon.. plans are (unfortunately?) slowly becoming more and more concrete) is just what my soul doesn't know it needs. i am, however, showing considerable constraint in not projecting what the adventure will be like. i'm trying not to build expectations, as i've spent a lifetime of envisioning what the world will look like with new surroundings and new acquaintances. i think i may, FINALLY, have learned the lesson that life will always take you by surprise, so trying to put it in some kind of box is really the worse thing you can do with it.
so, picking fruit? working in a tasting room? wwoofing? tending sheep? we'll see what i can do for those grand ol' islands of the south pacific. but, man oh man, will it be beautiful while i do it.
and for the tentative stuff: come february, i will also know if i've gotten into my grad school of choice, the medical anthropology program at uc berkeley-ucsf, and i really don't know how to get my mind to even think about the outcome of that gamble. the faculty, the resources, the affiliations--it's the perfect program for me, i just don't know if they'll see me as their perfect candidate (ah ah ah). i'll have to figure out a way to not contemplate THE FUTURE while in nz--that's my end goal here.
not so tentative: back in cali for summer, working and possibly back on the job seeking bandwagon (if, yikes, grad school looks like a nil this time around--knock knock knock on wood). no parents to fall back on this time, even if i wanted to: they'll be in algeria, supposedly unable to house me for longer than short visits. but them happy is one of the most wonderful things in the world, and that's what they are right now, happy and full of adventure.
so i draw a blank past june for protective reasons (though, i'm applying to some americorps positions locally, y'know, just in...). i don't think i've been this nervous about the future, but not because it's looming and eminent, but because i want it to take a specific course so badly...
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on a much lighter note, i wanted, for the first time ever, to have my own personal top 10 albums of 2008 list. all of these end-o'-the-year lists always get me goin'. in no particular order, because i'm the such a horrible chooser of favorites, here they are:
1) for emma forever ago: bon iver
-the only album where order does matter, this was by far my favorite album of the year. justin vernon is a musical genius, and the soul and pure beauty of his music absolutely blew me away from the moment i first heard catches of the album that was the result of many months' isolation in a cabin in wisconsin's winter wilderness.
2) visiter: the dodos
-my roommate lauren passed 'em on to me in a fit of pure goodwill--they make any activity an adventure around the house. an album that can be listened to over and over again, and you will still find something new you love about it. plus, they're from around these parts.
3) strawberry jam: animal collective
-i was late in the game in appreciating this gem of raucous joy. 'peacebone' turned me off the album for too long, before i forced myself to sit through the whole song and then the whole album. so sweet, perhaps even my favorite of their albums, now. (not from 2008! but i discovered it this year. it stays on the list.)
4) hercules and love affair: hercules and love affair
-who wouldn't love a techno, peppy antony and the johnsons?
5) alas, i cannot swim: laura marling
-wow. this girl. i'm tellin' ya, she's a wonder. and only 18! my fucking god. her hold of the english language and her emotive skills with music will have you absolutely in love with her.
6) vampire weekend: vampire weekend
-totally fell prey to the internet phenomenon that was/is vw--but they're so light and fresh and happy and danceeeey that i don't even worry about it.
7) oracular spectacular: mgmt
-yes yes. that's right. this list is looking entirely predictable now. i can't deny the childish debauch. or the dancing that's sure to ensue.
8) med sud í eyrum vid spilum endalaust: sigur rós
-for the pure loveliness which was their concert at the greek theater this past september--it sparked a whole new appreciation of their music for me. they really do create dreamworlds with their music.
9) alopecia: why? (no link--it's always impossible to hypem why?..)
-yessssssss. yoni is my god. (exaggeration anyone?) i don't know how he does it, but he and his cronies string together words and beats to create a heart-thumping daze. i've heard from many that this is their favorite of all why? albums. i don't know if i'd go that far, but it sure is a masterpiece.
-the best: 'by torpedo or crohn's' (dntel remix--it goes down at thrifttown. why does that excite me so? just because it's a part of my life, toooooo...)
10) a cockney rapping tie--everything is borrowed: the streets AND angles: dan le sac vs scroobius pip
-mike skinner has long held my attention with his brand of witty, upstart hip hop. this time (as opposed to his 2006 album, the hardest way to make an easy living, which was utter crap) he brought it--and there was actually joy found in his storytelling. who'd a thunk it?
-dlscsp: a ridiculous acronym and a great surprise of an album.
--a few odd songs, not albums, that i loved: chairlift's 'bruises' (i'm being harsh--the rest of the album is good. i guess it just can't live up to all the expectations of this song encapsulating pure gooey sweetness), santagold's 'i'm a lady' (for some reason, the rest of her stuff just didn't do it for me), and cat power's 'woman left lonely' (better than the original?).
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this has been a ridiculously long and entirely self-centered post. if i have my way, i'll force myself to write a part two that actually has some substance to it.
until then, may 2009 bring good tidings and hope in the face of all this trouble about to settle on our shoulders.
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